dear you

goodness knows whether i'll publish this, given the fact that i know - now - that several people are aware of this space. but perhaps i will.

i don't know if you still read this, sometimes. perhaps, but perhaps not.

i still miss you. oh - it's not as if my life hasn't moved on. there's work, there's my brother, and there's so much else. i could feel alive - i know i can.

but how are you? i saw you finally developed photos from your camera. :) have yet to get my own, though i remember what you said about the prime lens.

have yet to be back at om, or barstop. haven't listened to jazz for ages. nor any sort of music, really. i watched this israeli film recently - waltz with bashir - and there was this beautiful, beautiful scene.

i asked my boss later which waltz from Chopin it was when i heard it in his car a few days later: Op. 64, No. 2, he said.

i want my music back.

perhaps.

2 months on - london already feels like a whole world away. and i knew this would happen, and i knew things would pass. there's this strange sense of deja vu - for i remember saying the exact same thing when i left tokyo more than a year ago.

and yet i thought maybe this time i would try and make it different - to try and hold on to something.

but perhaps i'm just not like that. not strong enough to be alone. nor patient enough to remain sad. for whatever you say - sadness is not, and cannot be the essence of my life.

i know i'm letting go. slowly. but surely. as you must have, as well.

will you keep in touch? it was, still, one of the most - alive - periods of my life.

take care, you.